Tag Archives: kids

This Crazy Life

Things have been a little insane lately and at some point I hope to have more time to write.  At this point I feel lucky if I have more time to breathe!

We have officially moved to Montana and have more or less unpacked the things we can’t function without.  I L O V E it here and find that I am pinching myself every morning just to make sure this is the real deal.

The kids continue to grow, entertain and mercilessly destroy the furniture.  I thought I would close with one of my more endearing photos.

 

The resemblance is frightening.

Roman Art Through The Eyes Of A Four Year Old

A few years ago I took my four year old daughter to the Seattle Art Museum where they were having a fantastic display of Roman art and sculpture as well as a chance to see Ghiberti’s Golden Doors before they were to be sent back to Florence forever. It was a great chance to expose her to art and history before our big trip to Italy! We had spent so much time talking about travel, looking through pictures and magazines and even learning Italian together. I even had a section in my travel office with a little desk and supplies so that she could do “business” with me.  This exhibit was going to be the first time I could expose her directly to what we had been talking about.

Beyond excited for her adventure, she decended from her room and down our stairs like the Queen of Sheba.  Decked out from head to toe in sparkily Barbie party accessories complemented by a blue sundress and magic wand, she was ready to hits the rainy streets of Seattle. We spent the ride into town deciding which exhibit we would see first and finally settled on the statues.

Once in the museum, I was beside myself surrounded with an amazing collection on tour from the Louvre. Wanting to share this excitement and teach her how to appreciate what she was seeing, I went into full art historian mode. I’ve always prided myself in my ability to explain art in a simple way that anyone can understand and more importantly remember. While we walked around the room I talked about everything from mosaics to marble while she listened and commented appropriately.

I could not help but swell with pride as I noticed she was the only child in the museum, not to mention I was the exceptional mother who brought her there.  Don’t think I didn’t notice the admiring glances from other patrons.  I had many passing conversations in my mind.

Oh, my!  Why thank you, I do my best

I couldn’t agree more, such a brilliant child.

I was practically throwing my shoulder out patting myself on the back when my incredibly  and outrageously exceptional child stopped dead in her tracts and made an announcement to the entire room.

“Mom, this really isn’t my favorite part of the museum.”

Always trying to encourage open communication, I asked her what made her feel that way.

“There are too many penises here.”

Now that she mentions it....

Silence.

Averted eyes.

Was that a stifled giggle?

A pause for thoughtful reflection.

Indeed there were quite a few, and from her perspective (and more imortantly eye-level) they must look even more pronounced.  Always one to make each experience a positive learning opportunity, I decided to switch gears.  I would later regret this decision when traveling in Italy.

To keep her interested and to allow me to finishing viewing the exhibit, we spent the rest of the day counting the “yucky, squishy penises.”

Top Ten Reasons Traveling with Kids is Cool

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was crazy to take my toddler to Italy by myself I would have never come back. You are wasting your money; she will never remember anything. She will be a mess on that long flight. How will you pack everything by yourself? She won’t stand going to museums or sitting through long dinners. Jet lag, potty issues, getting sick, being bored. I heard it all.

But one month after my daughter’s second birthday I defiantly boarded a flight to Rome armed with a backpack of her necessities, one suitcase for both of us, a stroller and Benadryl. I could see that look in the other passengers’ eyes. You know the one. Everyone hoping we were nowhere near their seat; thirteen hours with a small child in an even smaller space could be considered a version of hell on earth. To the shock and relief of those around me she was an angel on the plane; she devoured her ‘fancy’ meal, watched a movie and then proceeded to pass out. I can’t say the same for many of the other passengers.

I quickly found out that traveling with my daughter did two things: opened doors to experiences and got us free stuff. People who would have done nothing more than complete their transaction with me or more likely not noticed my presence were suddenly whisking us behind counters and showing us part of the real Italian life I had not seen before. We met dogs; we met grandkids. We watered plants and learned to make pizza. We held rabbits and petted goats. And I haven’t even gotten to the free stuff. My daughter learned a simple smile meant extra scoops of gelato or little candies in her hand. I don’t think I went anywhere with her that some old lady wasn’t trying to feed her. She was the star at dinner, our waiters taking pride in her appetite. Did I ever pay for dessert? Maybe my own.

She loved the Roman Forum, although it was the beetles not the ruins that caught her eye. Every new hill town was exciting; who knew how many kitties would be hiding in the narrow cobblestone streets. Trains were a marvel. Maps became new toys. Piazzas her playgrounds. My passion for travel deepened with each new discovery she made.

Maybe I was crazy and it is true that she doesn’t remember that trip. But my daughter has no fear of the unknown and loves new experiences. I have since taken her back to Italy (see the photos below) and she now has her own travel bucket list. The lesson to be taken here is that having a family does not mean your travel dreams are over. They are just different. I may not be able to travel as much as I did before, but I never use children as my excuse to stay home. Travel is good for them. They begin to understand the world is a bigger place and differences are to be celebrated. Travel is good for you. You will find indescribable joy watching your child experience another culture.

I could list the top ten reasons why traveling with kids is cool, but I think these pictures do a better job.

Originally posted by my alter ego on my travel blog Once in a Lifetime Travel

Copyright 2011  Andi Brown Motherhood My Way

Mr. Stretchy

Maybe one of you can tell me what this means.  Bubba has been grabbing his junk all week.  Like it’s bothering him.  When I ask him if it hurts, he just looks at me blankly.  Like I’m the dumb ass who should have all the answers.

Say hello to my little friend

Anyone who has met me knows I’m never one to shy away from reality and calling it as I see it.  Being a nurse has probably made me a little rough around the edges.  I am a big fan of using correct names for body parts and when my daughter was younger she could tell you where her scapula and her vagina were.  With all that said, I am going to have to be honest and say I feel a little over my head here.  I’m in uncharted territory.  Utterly clueless.

First off, I had no idea that thing was so stretchy.  Or that stretching it would be fun.  Or done so often.

I am beginning to get a clearer understanding of the deep and personal relationship each man has with his wanker.  The roots of a life long love affair.  I thought it started in middle school, when suddenly girls no longer have any cooties.  Nope.  Not even in grade school.  No, the fascination starts much earlier.  As in right out of the womb early.  I would not have believed this if I had not been watching the progression first hand.

With that in mind, I’m assuming there is nothing medically wrong to cause him to pull his diaper off and come running to me holding his friend with a befuddled look of ‘What the hell?’ in his eyes.  So I guess I do what I’ve always done before.  Act like it is no big deal, just another part of the body.  Call it by the correct anatomical name.  Try not to convey my distress.

I should probably quit laughing too.

Fruit Gone Wrong, Girl Scout Cookie Madness and a Snaggletooth

Who me? Awwww....shucks

A few weeks ago I tried being the ‘cool’ mom and let the kids have Fun Friday (aka shove as much candy as possible in your mouth before dad comes home).  For obvious reasons that I should have foreseen, this didn’t pan out well.

In the spirit of overcompensation I had Fruit Friday last week instead.  Fresh.  Healthy.  What could be better?  Things went fabulously until the next day when we ushered in Shit Your Pants Saturday.  It wasn’t so much the quantity as it was the quality and consistancy that really got me.  I haven’t had diapers like that since I served Corn Chowder for dinner two nights in a row.

I have got to master the art of moderation.

On the upside, my new favorite nephew thinks I look like Evangeline Lilly.  Miiiiiiight be a bit of a stretch seeing as I am still having trouble tucking my muffin top into jeggins, but I’ll take it.

Chatterbox

Chatterbox is a Girl Scout and I sometimes get the feeling she’s just in it for the cookies.  Last year she sold over 600 boxes and earned a week at horse camp.  This year she is going for the stars with a goal of 1,000.  All she has to do is put on her brown vest, her cute smile and people fall all over themselves to pay outrageous amounts of money for little boxes of cookies.  It’s that easy for her.

Then comes the fun part.  And by fun I mean the endless process of delivering.

And by endless I mean eleven months later I still have two cases of Thin Mints in my possession.

Looking to order some Girl Scout Cookies?  Move along sister, nothin’ to see here.

Bubba

We are pretty sure Bubba is a genius.   I’m not just saying that because I’m required to as his mother.

He knows his colors, even the lame ones like brown and gray.  Bubba can pick out his shapes too.  Not just circle and square either.  He knows all the flashy ones, like cube and cylinder.  The alphabet?  A to Z.  Numbers? 1-10 so far.

But the damn kid won’t talk.  Not anything more complex than a mama or dada.  Now, before you all start raising eyebrows, let me explain.  I taught him baby sign when he was a year old and he took to it like a fly on shit.  He wanted to know everything and his appetite for learning was voracious.  To this day he can show you the sign for just about any animal you can think of.  He even made up a few signs of his own when he got frustrated because I didn’t have an immediate answer.  I know when he is hungry, thirsty, tired, hurting or even scared.  He communicates so well with us that I think he has decided he doesn’t need to talk yet.  I’m fine with this since Chatterbox speaks enough for two, but it will be nice to hear him say ‘I love you’ someday.  Of course that would be ideal.  What I will probably hear first is ‘Gimme more hot dog.’

And why would he say something like that?  Because if Bubba could do his own meal planning it would consist entirely of processed food and rolls.  I spend hours finding healthy recipes where I can hide vegetables in sauce or stuff them somewhere in hopes that he will unknowingly consume them.  The boy is a genius though, and I have watched him stuff his face with food and then meticulously start spitting out the green stuff like a Pez dispenser.  His dream lunch?  Chef Boyardee Mini Ravolis.  He will devour an entire can in one sitting.  Gag.  But the homemade Spinach Lasagna is untouchable.  He just looks at me like ‘who in the hell put this green stuff in here?’  I have two things going for me, his vitamins taste like candy and he loves smoothies.  What he hasn’t figured out yet is that I’ve been making his smoothies with spinach and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Butterball

We hit some big milestones this week.  For starters, she is giving kisses.  At least we think she is trying to kiss.  It’s a little hard to tell since she isn’t very discriminating in who she picks to suck face with .  Hopefully that and the naked thing will get better by high school.

There are two teeth officially poking through making our little Snaggletooth look even more adorable.  Which is nice because the crankiness had been a huge detraction.  How quickly I had forgotten that teething sucks.  I am learning that Butterball wants to be in constant contact when she doesn’t feel good and since she is our last baby I don’t mind the extra snuggling.  I just wish she didn’t weigh so much.  We are pushing 18 pounds already; her brother is two and barely weighs 25 with his clothes on and in a soaking wet diaper.

The most exciting news of all, Butterball has finally figured out how to get ’round her booty and roll.  And roll.  And roll.  When she figures out how to build up momentum going she will be unstoppable.

 

I am obsessed with feedback, tell me what you really think.  Love it?  Pass it on!

Copyright Motherhood My Way 2012

My Motherhood Survival Must Have’s

After a long night, I got to thinking about the things I have come to rely on now that I am a mom.  Things that a mostly didn’t even know existed before kids.

Here are my 10 Motherhood Must Have’s in no particular order.

  1. motherhood my way
    I could be worse.

    Coffee and Wine.  I originally didn’t even have these on my list because I figure it’s just assumed.  But we know what happens when we assume.  And for all y’all tisk tisking me, I know I could use exercise and yoga to get the same results but you go and tell the little ones mommy needs more time.  That’s what I thought.

  2. Crock Pot.  I  not only use, but abuse my crock pot.  I fire it up at least 3 times a week.  Evening time is hectic enough without trying to put together dinner.
  3. Lounge Pants.  I honestly don’t remember life before my velour comfy pants.  I have a different color for every day of the week, if I remember to put on clean ones.
  4. White Trash Shower.  Deodorant, mouthwash, perfume and go.
  5. Pony Tail Holders.  If I don’t have time to shower, chances are I’m not doing my hair either.
  6. Diapers.com.  This guy is a genius.  I just click and order, then it arrives on my doorstep with free shipping two days later.  I don’t even have to feel guilty about being in lounge pants.
  7. Crazy Glue.  Evidently I am the fixer of all things broken.  It’s quick and works…most of the time.
  8. Griddle.  Bubba wants his pancake.  He wants it every morning and he wants it now.
  9. motherhood my wayBlender.  Bubba won’t eat vegetables.  Unless I puree them and hide them in smoothies.  The things I do in the name of nutrition.
  10. Texting.  It’s my link to the outside world.  I can carry on an adult conversation of sorts even when the baby is screaming and Bubba is demanding his pancake.

Copyright Motherhood My Way 2012

Weekly happenings | Hug therapy, late night snacks and internet video addiction

My week in review with the family.  I think this week was a push, which in my book is a win.

Chatterbox

New week, new strategy.

After seven long days of battles and lots of yelling I was out of ideas.  My husband suggested Hug Therapy.  Every time I was tempted to start yelling or felt like I was going to lose my mind I give her a hug instead.  It was so ridiculous I thought it just might work.  Somehow it did.  Chatterbox was oblivious to why I was hugging her but happy to be getting the positive attention.  She had no idea that in those moments I was imagining slowly squeezing that piss and vinegar right out of her (and other things I probably shouldn’t mention publicly).

Let me tell you, there’s been a lot of lovin’ going on around here.

Chatterbox truly thrives on attention.  Focused eye contact, intricate crafts done side by side and cuddling whenever possible.  To say finding time for her needs is challenging with two other little kids would be an understatement.  The worst of it is that she is always finding subtle ways to make me feel guilty about it.

For example, this week instead of asking me to play with her like any other 8 year old kid, she curls up beside me and with a long face says ‘Mom, we just haven’t had a connection together yet.’

Come here girl, give me hug!

Bubba

This is getting embarrassing.

Bubba needs a haircut.  He needs one now.  But daddy won’t have it.  Now I might be going out on a ledge here, but I’m not entirely convinced my husband isn’t trying to live vicariously through him.  See, he has been shaving his head for years since he lost the battle with his hairline in his twenties.  I have been silently hoping he will break down and let me trim up Bubba’s mop, but I am getting the feeling that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.  I’m afraid I need to draw the line at some point otherwise we are going to have to start calling him Bed Head.

But my real concern is my son’s apparent addiction to internet videos.  If someone turns on their computer or gets on their iPhone within a 50 feet radius of him, he is on their jock.  You better get him a Sesame Street video ASAP or get ready for an impressive tantrum.  As soon as a video starts playing his whole demeanor changes.  It’s like watching the Dark Crystal, all the life starts draining from him and before you know it he is a motionless shell of himself.  Then he starts drooling.  I actually have gotten a little concerned and started wondering how many brain cells are shriveling up.  He will sit there for hours if you let him.  The only time you will hear a peep is if the damn thing starts buffering.  When I say peep, I mean a high pitched blood curdling shriek that puts his sister to shame.  On a positive note, I can get dinner on and the dishes done a little faster.  I guess that is worth sacrificing a few IQ points.

Butterball

Didn’t I read somewhere in one of those parenting books by people I swear didn’t really have children of their own (at least not normal children) that babies should be sleeping through the night by now?  I swore I saw that somewhere.  Obviously she did not.  I guess she is just very determined to keep her standings in the 95 percentile.  Girls got a figure to maintain and you don’t get those kind of layered fat rolls sleeping the night away.  Here’s to 2 am snack time Cheeks!

Happy Birthday Butterball

Today my little bundle of pudge turns 6 months.  Hard to believe we are half-way through her first year of life.  I thought about dressing her up, making a little princess crown and taking her out on the town.  Then I thought about the diapers, formula, warm water, blankets and baby food I would have to bring.  Started to look less likely.  Don’t forget the safety harness and restraining devices for her brother.  Second thought, a nice quiet pajama day at home it is.

Each one of our kids was so different at this age.  At least I think so.  It’s getting harder to remember, well…anything really.  I know that each one of the kids is very content and happy, but I don’t think any of them were quite as jovial as her.  Even with her Diva flare-ups she is the most cheerful baby around.  So here is Butterball in a nutshell at age 6 months.

Likes (aka Things that don’t make her scream)

  • Eye contact
  • Playing upside down baby
  • Balancing on dad’s hand
  • Getting naked (as her dad says, the boys are going to love her)
  • Chewing on her toes
  • Touching tags and fabric
  • Falling to sleep with her music box playing
  • Her bottle (especially at 2am)
  • Her food, but only warm
  • Playing with her brother
  • Grabbing the dog
  • Pulling on hair
  • Getting her ears cleaned
  • Watching mom ‘run’ on the treadmill (unfortunately)

Dislikes (aka Things that make her scream)

  • Waiting more than 1.7 seconds for her bottle
  • Cold baby food
  • Poo in her pants (although putting it there ranks on her like list)
  • Not having constant eye contact
  • Getting into pajamas
  • Buckling into the car seat
  • Face washing
  • Watching other people enjoy their dinner
  • Chatterbox babysitting
  • Wind in her face
  • Cold air in her face
  • Tummy time
  • Anything productive being done around the house while she is awake

Weekly happenings | Stinky feet, poopy diapers and other parenting dilemmas

My week in review with the family.  This week they definitely won.

E

We’ve had a rough week unfortunately, might have had something to do with Fun Friday (aka eat as much sugar as possible).  I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the movie Due Date, but there scene where Robert Downey Jr goes off and one line pretty much summed up my day as a mom.  ‘Number one; if you ask me a single question I’m going to flip out on you, so don’t do that. Do you understand?’

She knows how to play the guilt trip though.  After her sixteenth time getting in trouble, I got an apology that went like this.  ‘I’m sorry I make your life miserable.’  I can’t win.

I would like to point out she started it by asking me if I was pregnant again.

MT

While playing Superman yesterday Montana stopped to sniff my socks and then started to gag.  Really?  Coming from someone who consistently melts my eyebrows with his nasty corn diapers.

We got to help Clara Muffin Toss with Mickey on the Disney Channel.  The writers must know how that sounds…right??

Up until this week I loved taking MT to the grocery store.  He has always been so helpful, putting veggies in the bags and waving to the little old ladies.  Not this time.  We even had the insanely impossible to manuever car-cart.  He spent half the time with his legs hanging out the plastic window kicking and screaming.  At least I live in south eastern Idaho, so we tend to blend in a little more.

RJ

She has decided to practice a new type of scream.  I’m really hoping she isn’t inspiring to be my Chatterbox #2

The sad thing is this was taken at 3pm